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A Visit with Pat Foster
By Cindy Gibbs
To say that my mind has been 'racing' for the last 48 hours would be an understatement; to simply say that I just visited Pat Foster hardly describes the past few days. What really took place was a life altering experience that will stay with me until my own last days.
Patty is a hero to me; he always has been. As a little girl, I loved that Setzer car; I remember that strawberry blonde hair, beard and cowboy hat. I had such a crush on him! He was bad ass and a 'rock star' in my eyes... all those funny car guys were, but there were always a few that stood out. Pat did.
The greatest gift for me that has come from the hot rod reunions is the chance to get to know these guys who were bigger than life to me as a little girl. Through Don Trasin, I was given the opportunity to get to know Patty during the building of the 'Jade Grenade' and Mongoose Corvette projects he did for Don. At first I was star struck; then he became just 'Patty.’ We traveled together and shared memories that will be with me always. We laughed until our sides hurt and always hoped for a good 'what the fuck' outta Foster... he rarely disappointed.
My appreciation grew beyond the little girl who loved to watch him race; I grew to appreciate his wisdom and his ability to be the best 'bullshit filter' (as my dad calls him) around. In fact, I think Pat and my dad are cut from the same cloth; they are old souls filled with a common sense that makes them so admirable. No grand facades; what you see is what you get. So not wrapped up in the materialistic nonsense of life. No need to go on here about how I feel about my dad... that's a whole other chapter.
When Pat fell ill, our hearts sank. Since we've watched him bounce back from major medical hurdles in the past few years, I guess we all hoped that this outcome would be the same. Sadly, that isn't the case. The doctors met with him and his family Monday and the truth was spelled out. But, here's the beauty in all of this... Foster is doing this on his own terms. He's of sound mind and is able to make decisions for himself that couldn't have been easy. He is in no way taking the 'easy way' out or 'giving up' as the less enlightened might suggest. It takes balls to do what Patty is doing; he told me last night that 'men have to make hard decisions, Cindy... its part of being a real man.’ He has relieved his family from having to make them for him, something that I can only imagine would break their hearts. Instead, he has voiced his wishes with his family's support and they are all around him, loving him and reassuring him every day. Could any of us ask for more?
When I got into town Wednesday, I walked into the room with Brendan Murry and Patty was asleep. So as not to startle him, I held his hand for a minute. He opened his eyes and his face lit up to see both of us. He gave me one of his 'hello, love' greetings that always floors me. That velvety deep voice just melts us girls, you know. He thanked us for making the trip and we just talked for awhile. When he needed to close his eyes for a little rest, we ducked out. We got to spend time with Ken Logan and Pat's son Cole, sharing Patty stories the whole time. No need to go to the gym that day; our stomach muscles got a workout from all the laughing we did.
Thursday I got to spend most of the day with him; I went to Walgreens to get my pictures from the March Meet printed out and had a few 8x10's made to add to all the photos and letters that his family has tacked onto the walls of his room. He likes that... this way he can show off to all the nurses! We hung out and I got to watch him have a Popsicle or two. He was diggin' that, and some orange Jell-O and a cup of coffee that his sister tasted and said it was 'poison', LOL. He liked it though... keep in mind that until this week, he hadn't had a bite to eat or drink since November... not even water. What a sweet moment to see him savor that.
I said my goodbyes Thursday night... I walked up to him with tears in my eyes; Patty asked me not to cry (I had somehow managed not to cry the whole time up until now). 'I love you', I said and he told me he loved me back. I told him 'Patty, I'm going to miss you so much'; he replied with a drawn out 'I know... LOL! I’m thinkin' 'dammit Foster, humor me... tell me you'll miss me too!! LOL, he refused to let me be sad. Instead, he just held my hand and told me that its all going to be okay, that he's had the 'best fucking life' he could ever imagine. He’s loved much and has been loved. He has no enemies and he has his family's support. He knows he's made the right decision and he's very much at peace with it all. He’s not afraid and truth is, he's comforting all of us who have been around him the past few days.
I told Pat how proud I am of him and how much I appreciated the friend he's been to me and my family. I thanked him for the lessons he is teaching me about dignity, grace and personal fortitude... some day this could be my parents or myself in the same situation and I pray Patty's spirit will guide me throughout those times. Truth is, we will all face this... death does not only happen to the unlucky ones. As Mike Kuhl told me once, 'None of us get out of this deal alive, Cindy.’ Something to think about, huh?
HUGE thanks to everyone who so generously contributed to the fund we set up for his family; they are appreciative beyond words. The looks on their faces was worth every bit of effort... again, an honor and a privilege for me to be a part of. Pat was overwhelmed when I told him what was donated; all he could say is 'unbelievable.’ It brought him a huge sense of relief to know that his family would not have to carry the financial burden alone. A great gift to a dying man, I'm sure.
I’m off for now... I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. But I'm so thankful for every moment of the last few weeks and especially the last two days. You can't buy these life lessons... they are precious and absolutely priceless. I hope Pat has inspired you too; he will always be bad ass in my eyes and I hope yours as well.
PF Flyer... you ROCK!
Cindy Gibbs
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UPDATE: Thursday, March 27, 2008
http://wediditforlove.com/Foster.html
Well,
our Patty passed away this morning at 4am...he was in great spirits up until the
moment he closed his eyes.
I miss you already,
Foster...
Cinder
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